The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Sometimes we are not okay. We make general statements to be more comfortable with not being okay, but sometimes we are not okay…and that is okay.

Throughout my life as a male there has been this stigma of what it means to be a man. Almost stoic in nature and not allowing certain emotions out as being vulnerable meant weakness. As I have gone further into my adult like I realize that being vulnerable is my greatest strength, but sometimes I have some trouble allowing myself to be so.

For a man to bear his naked soul in front of others is to allow the world to see him at his weakest. It allows everyone to say “HA! See! I knew he wasn’t perfect, look at all of his flaws.” There are a large group of people out there that love to lift themselves up by looking down on others.

I know in my life I have my quick getaways from when I am feeling not so great about myself. I tend to seek outside validation to make myself feel good. I have some abandonment issues the stem from my childhood and teenage years. My mother left, for good reason, when I was a teenager. My prom date was killed in an automobile accident. Other teenage nonsense left me with a feeling that no matter what I did, people would leave me. I had a tendency to self fulfill that prophecy through my actions later in life.

The lies we tell ourselves to make us feel okay about our self defeating actions.

“It’s okay to do this because I feel this way.”
“It’s okay to get blind drunk because I am having a hard time with a breakup.”
“It’s okay to eat this entire half gallon of ice cream because I have lost 20 lbs.”
“It’s okay to treat this person negatively because they hurt me in some way.”
“It’s my father’s fault I treat women the way I do.”

To become self aware is a very scary and uncomfortable thing to do. It means facing down the lies we tell ourselves and figure out why we act the way we do. To stop blaming other people for our actions and start taking responsibility to change the way we are or to at least acknowledge that every thought and action comes from within us.

No single person can make you think or act in a certain way. At some point you do make the decision to do what you are going to do. Some of us are more easily influenced than others, but think about this statement:

“Look at what YOU made ME do.”

There is no doubt in my mind that we are impacted by the world and the people around us. There is no real way around that unless we are going to give up the modern world and go be a hermit. But even then, we still have to interact eventually. So to be in complete control of ones thoughts and actions is the ultimate form of self-mastery. But, it is a daunting task. It means taking full acceptance of who we are and what we are doing. It’s not easy, but it is not meant to be easy…and sometimes it can be downright depressing.

We are called to step out of our comfort zones sometimes to become greater versions of ourselves. We must question ourselves.

“Am I being a good person?”
“Can I be a better spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend?”
“Can I be a better parent?”
“Am I drinking too much?”
“Do I really need to quit smoking?”

If the answer is “Not right now” that’s okay. It is okay to not be ready for something. But to at least acknowledge that there is room for improvement in almost every aspect of our life.

I would invite everyone to just pause for a second. When you are in a moment of conflict before you say something, just pause and think: “Who is in control of how I am going to react?”

You just might save yourself from saying something you can’t take back in the heat of the moment.

I would also invite you to look in the mirror and accept yourself for who you are right now. Look at your flaws and accept them as well. But also accept that it is only you that can really save yourself from yourself.

As always, thank you for your time and attention.