Victim Plus Savior Equals Toxic Relationship

What Can I Give?


People that know me outside of this little blog, well most people, know that I have been through the worst kind of breakup you can go through...Divorce.

I try not to bring up my past too much in this aspect because it is not something I am proud of, I was at one time, but I realized that I had a long way to go if I was going to get back into a successful relationship.  What I know now is this:  I never want to go through that kind of pain again.  I don't think we quite prepare ourselves for the emotional trauma one will endure when going through that kind of loss.  But I do believe sticking it out for the sake of longevity is foolish.  There is not medal for staying in the longest, most miserable relationship.  I stuck to my guns and even with a lawyer involved I worked out the final decision with my former spouse.  It was my belief that lawyers are only in it for one thing and it is not YOUR best interest, it is theirs.  So I lost a lot, but I didn't lose my self respect....which is good.

I guess the question would be is:  "What did I learn?"

Well, I could probably write a book on it and I should probably write a book on it.  But to summarize it all into once sentence...

                                                               It was all my fault. 

This was proven to me by the relationships I was getting into post separation.  They were not good and I was attracting the same type of controlling women that I wanted to get away from.  Again, I was beating my head against the wall trying to make these things work even though my intuition said "RUN RICHARD!".

At some point I realized I had no idea what I was doing.  If I continued down this path that I would wind up in the same spot that I was before.  This was not good.  Not good at all.  So, I quit.  I quit dating and I started to learn how to be happy on my own.  I started to learn how to be confident in who I was, not who I wanted to be.  For too long I was trying to portray myself as something I was not.  It was a lifestyle for me.  Not that I would change anything about my past, but I do remember what I did.  These words were the worst words I have ever uttered to another person:

                                                                  "I will change."

Not that there is anything wrong with changing, if you are genuinely a bad person, you should change.  But you should change for you, not for the other person.  I made that mistake.

All said and done, I am still here.  With my changed mindset I am now being able to date a different caliber of woman.  Not because that is what I am seeking, but it is who I have become.  By becoming a better man, I am able to attract a better woman.  My changed outlook going into relationships now is not "What can I get out of this?"  It is "What do I have to offer?".  I do believe this will be key to my success.  Time will tell.


As always, thank you for your time and attention.

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