Like Attracts Like and Relationship Red Flags
Watch For Red Flags
I think back on life and in certain situations where if I had just known or trusted my gut, things might have been different. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and I wouldn't trade it simply because everything that I have gone through has made me who I am today. I like that person, BUT.
Now that I am on the other side or what I at least perceive is the other side of anxiety and depression I can look back and see all of the red flags that were missed. They are glaring now.
From completely cowering as a "man" to hold onto something that I thought I wanted.
Don't do that. Stand up for yourself.
It was a long process to get to where I am today, along the way I stumbled upon self development books. A friend gave me "This is How" - Augusten Burroughs It was a delightful book that teaches us that we can change the we think and completely change how happy we are.
Heavily I went into self development. I stumbled a lot, it happens, but the good things is, it won't kill us. There will be a lot of mental anguish, a lot of self realizations, but you will be a better person as you move along.
One of the things that I learned about was "red flags". Those things we ignore in order to get what we think we want. You are out with a girl and she is rude to everyone but you want her body so you shrug it off. You are making a business deal and it seems shady but all you see are dollar signs. Your gut is screaming "NO, NO NO NO" but for some reason you do it anyway. Your ego. Kill it.
Our feelings and emotions are there to protect us. Now, I will say that some things you need to lean into. When all the other signs feel right and you aren't getting any real deal breakers, go for the girl. Ask that guy out if things seem legit. One thing we have probably all found out is that over time, people will reveal their true selves.
BUT in relationships, here are some red flags you may be overlooking.
Bad Moods
If your potential life mate is always grumpy that is probably their nature. Sure, we all have some days where things are going to go as planned and we might be a little off...But when irritability is default, look out. Look for someone who can laugh off most of life's ordeals. It shows they don't take themselves or life too seriously.
Self Talk
Sure, on their Facebook wall they might constantly talk about themselves or things in their life, but that is what Facebook is for. But, if all they do is talk about their problems, their life, their family and show little interest in you...the whole relationship will probably be about them. Make sure your thoughts and opinions are valued.
Unapologetic
Yes, it is good to live a life where we go at it and get things done without trying to please everyone. But, if your partner can't say "sorry" or "my fault" over anything, rest assured everything will be your fault. Apologizing is a huge sign of maturity and it should happen before a knockdown drag out fight.
Friends and Family
If your mate invites you into their life, introduces you to all of their friends, but does not reciprocate it could mean that they are not really interested. In a healthy relationship this should flow both ways. Just have an open conversation, it could mean your partner is just nervous about meeting your friends and family, it's a big step. Reassure them that your friends and family are excited to meet them.
Poking Fun
Sure, we should all be able to take a joke, but sometimes they get taken too far. If you ask someone to stop and they don't then they aren't respecting your boundaries. Making fun of someone is a way to make them feel insecure and then blaming that person for not being able to "take a joke." What is this? Tenth grade? We are adults, treat your mate with the respect they deserve.
Cell Phones
Everybody has one these days and they contain our whole lives. If you want a partner that is open about their life, they should be open about their cell phone. For instance, if they need to borrow your phone for any reason, you shouldn't have to check to clear anything first unless it is confidential.
Control Freaks
It is true that a lot of women like a man who takes charge, but there is a limit. No one wants to be steamrolled. If your partner is constantly making decisions that affect you without asking your opinion that could be a sign of control. Healthy relationships involve questions like "Do you want to?" and/or "Would you mind?"
In conclusion, just be careful. There are a lot of people out there with unresolved issues and they could easily ruin your life or a large portion of it. Learn the red flags, know your boundaries and stick to them.
As always, thank you for your time and attention.
I think back on life and in certain situations where if I had just known or trusted my gut, things might have been different. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and I wouldn't trade it simply because everything that I have gone through has made me who I am today. I like that person, BUT.
Now that I am on the other side or what I at least perceive is the other side of anxiety and depression I can look back and see all of the red flags that were missed. They are glaring now.
From completely cowering as a "man" to hold onto something that I thought I wanted.
Don't do that. Stand up for yourself.
It was a long process to get to where I am today, along the way I stumbled upon self development books. A friend gave me "This is How" - Augusten Burroughs It was a delightful book that teaches us that we can change the we think and completely change how happy we are.
Heavily I went into self development. I stumbled a lot, it happens, but the good things is, it won't kill us. There will be a lot of mental anguish, a lot of self realizations, but you will be a better person as you move along.
One of the things that I learned about was "red flags". Those things we ignore in order to get what we think we want. You are out with a girl and she is rude to everyone but you want her body so you shrug it off. You are making a business deal and it seems shady but all you see are dollar signs. Your gut is screaming "NO, NO NO NO" but for some reason you do it anyway. Your ego. Kill it.
Our feelings and emotions are there to protect us. Now, I will say that some things you need to lean into. When all the other signs feel right and you aren't getting any real deal breakers, go for the girl. Ask that guy out if things seem legit. One thing we have probably all found out is that over time, people will reveal their true selves.
BUT in relationships, here are some red flags you may be overlooking.
Bad Moods
If your potential life mate is always grumpy that is probably their nature. Sure, we all have some days where things are going to go as planned and we might be a little off...But when irritability is default, look out. Look for someone who can laugh off most of life's ordeals. It shows they don't take themselves or life too seriously.
Self Talk
Sure, on their Facebook wall they might constantly talk about themselves or things in their life, but that is what Facebook is for. But, if all they do is talk about their problems, their life, their family and show little interest in you...the whole relationship will probably be about them. Make sure your thoughts and opinions are valued.
Unapologetic
Yes, it is good to live a life where we go at it and get things done without trying to please everyone. But, if your partner can't say "sorry" or "my fault" over anything, rest assured everything will be your fault. Apologizing is a huge sign of maturity and it should happen before a knockdown drag out fight.
Friends and Family
If your mate invites you into their life, introduces you to all of their friends, but does not reciprocate it could mean that they are not really interested. In a healthy relationship this should flow both ways. Just have an open conversation, it could mean your partner is just nervous about meeting your friends and family, it's a big step. Reassure them that your friends and family are excited to meet them.
Poking Fun
Sure, we should all be able to take a joke, but sometimes they get taken too far. If you ask someone to stop and they don't then they aren't respecting your boundaries. Making fun of someone is a way to make them feel insecure and then blaming that person for not being able to "take a joke." What is this? Tenth grade? We are adults, treat your mate with the respect they deserve.
Cell Phones
Everybody has one these days and they contain our whole lives. If you want a partner that is open about their life, they should be open about their cell phone. For instance, if they need to borrow your phone for any reason, you shouldn't have to check to clear anything first unless it is confidential.
Control Freaks
It is true that a lot of women like a man who takes charge, but there is a limit. No one wants to be steamrolled. If your partner is constantly making decisions that affect you without asking your opinion that could be a sign of control. Healthy relationships involve questions like "Do you want to?" and/or "Would you mind?"
In conclusion, just be careful. There are a lot of people out there with unresolved issues and they could easily ruin your life or a large portion of it. Learn the red flags, know your boundaries and stick to them.
As always, thank you for your time and attention.
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