Don't Give Up
Don't Give Up The Good Stuff
So I remember vividly what happened and where things started going wrong.
Exit real life, enter alcohol. I had no idea what I was messing with. The slow rot that is the devil's drink. I have a healthy respect for the stuff now, back then, I did not.
I come from a long line of drinkers. My grandmother was a closet alcoholic. My father was an alcohol abuser, most of his brother were alcoholics or died of alcohol related diseases. Mostly strokes. My father had a massive stroke and eventually passed from the effects of a life devoted to drinking more than one should. Seemed for awhile I felt it proper to follow suit.
I never really messed with the stuff in high school. I was too busy chasing pretty girls, making out in the back of the band bus...playing in marching band...picking up musical instruments. Only vice I had back then was cigarettes.
I remember specifically my first real buzz. I felt invincible. I remember saying these words "It would be awesome if I could feel this way all of the time." That should have been a striking realization that booze probably wasn't a good idea for me.
Most of my life until that I was put down by my older brother, by bullies in high school, and just nonsense in general. All of our lives we are told to get in line...to sit down...to not speak up. But when I had some beer, well...I could really "let loose and be myself". How foolish of me.
So we can see how this goes down. I break up with the one person that actually did give a shit about me in exchange for...easy. That's exactly what it was...easy. Like most of my life up until then I took the easy way out. Don't do that. Elementary school, for the most part, junior high, high school, and college were all a breeze. The path of least resistance is the path that I was on.
We can only connect the dots going backwards. But I can see now. Slowly my personal life was not my own. I quit cleaning my apartment, I quit taking care of myself. Over the years I can think back to what a piece of garbage I let myself become at some points. Not showering...laying around for hours. Not pushing myself to do much of anything but sit around and play video games. My weight started going up. I was showing up to work reeking of booze. It is a wonder how I never lost my job. I managed to keep that straight. I had a DJ business...but that consisted of free booze. I couldn't even take the time to enjoy the simplest things in life. Always concerned about booze.
Now, don't get me wrong. That whole time was not some deep pit of despair. I did some great things. I got mad good in the kitchen. Helped open up 2 restaurants...got a good reputation as a cook. I did work. I never mixed work with booze until it got real bad right before I took a step back. I landed a corporate job making over 50k a year, which is good money where I live. I played guitar for people...made a lot of friends and had a pretty enjoyable life....until it wasn't so enjoyable anymore. All of my poor decisions were coming to a head...and landed me in the ER. This should have been the wake up call...but it wasn't. Enter Rx blood pressure medication in the form of a beta blocker. This is key for what happens later.
As always...thank you for your time and attention.
So I remember vividly what happened and where things started going wrong.
Exit real life, enter alcohol. I had no idea what I was messing with. The slow rot that is the devil's drink. I have a healthy respect for the stuff now, back then, I did not.
I come from a long line of drinkers. My grandmother was a closet alcoholic. My father was an alcohol abuser, most of his brother were alcoholics or died of alcohol related diseases. Mostly strokes. My father had a massive stroke and eventually passed from the effects of a life devoted to drinking more than one should. Seemed for awhile I felt it proper to follow suit.
I never really messed with the stuff in high school. I was too busy chasing pretty girls, making out in the back of the band bus...playing in marching band...picking up musical instruments. Only vice I had back then was cigarettes.
I remember specifically my first real buzz. I felt invincible. I remember saying these words "It would be awesome if I could feel this way all of the time." That should have been a striking realization that booze probably wasn't a good idea for me.
Most of my life until that I was put down by my older brother, by bullies in high school, and just nonsense in general. All of our lives we are told to get in line...to sit down...to not speak up. But when I had some beer, well...I could really "let loose and be myself". How foolish of me.
So we can see how this goes down. I break up with the one person that actually did give a shit about me in exchange for...easy. That's exactly what it was...easy. Like most of my life up until then I took the easy way out. Don't do that. Elementary school, for the most part, junior high, high school, and college were all a breeze. The path of least resistance is the path that I was on.
We can only connect the dots going backwards. But I can see now. Slowly my personal life was not my own. I quit cleaning my apartment, I quit taking care of myself. Over the years I can think back to what a piece of garbage I let myself become at some points. Not showering...laying around for hours. Not pushing myself to do much of anything but sit around and play video games. My weight started going up. I was showing up to work reeking of booze. It is a wonder how I never lost my job. I managed to keep that straight. I had a DJ business...but that consisted of free booze. I couldn't even take the time to enjoy the simplest things in life. Always concerned about booze.
Now, don't get me wrong. That whole time was not some deep pit of despair. I did some great things. I got mad good in the kitchen. Helped open up 2 restaurants...got a good reputation as a cook. I did work. I never mixed work with booze until it got real bad right before I took a step back. I landed a corporate job making over 50k a year, which is good money where I live. I played guitar for people...made a lot of friends and had a pretty enjoyable life....until it wasn't so enjoyable anymore. All of my poor decisions were coming to a head...and landed me in the ER. This should have been the wake up call...but it wasn't. Enter Rx blood pressure medication in the form of a beta blocker. This is key for what happens later.
As always...thank you for your time and attention.
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